Natures Fury...Yawn

Its 2012, well futuristic sounding, we should have probably left Earth by now, space the final frontier and all that bollocks, no, the human beings have been busy, busy butt fucking the planet, busting the doors in while mother nature sleeps and cruelly sodomising her, and shooting her pet dog on the way out. Humans, widely recognised by religious groups as the chosen species, the shepherds of the planet, keepers of mother earth, the special ones, like Jose Mourinho..Bullshit, we are more like a cancer, spreading across the globe, eating, breaking, trashing, grinding every piece of soil into ash, or shitting some concrete monstrosity on it, like an office block, or a Primark. If there is a God, and he left us here to look after the place, then this is the equivalent of a party invite getting out over facebook and every cunt in the area turning up, trashing the house and shitting in the dresser when they didn't even need a shit.. Its OK though, we actively do things to lower our carbon footprint, like getting Tesco to deliver, its better yeah? We recycle, we all wash the glass jars out, and put the Sunday papers we haven't read in the correct bins yeah? Bollocks, take a ticket and get in line while we all gang bang nature, her screams muted by the thumping bass coming out of our Bose ipod docks or muffled by Dr Beats headphones. I have my own theory on where humans came from, you can read it here http://dickiesblogstrop.blogspot.co.uk/2011_03_01_archive.html and I think some of us are more earthly than others, I secretly turn up to support nature by the sidelines when she tries to fight back, I don't enjoy the loss of life, but its hard to shed a tear when a country of fat greedy nationalist fucks cops one in the nutsack from nature (Luxembourg). Mother Nature can be inadvertently cruel, a Bangladeshi town swept away in a torrent of mud shit and tears, giant waves bear hugging an entire beach resort, ripping it away from the land and into the sea, hundreds of thousands sucked off to their death (sounds like Imogen Thomas' intimate diary). This all makes for emotive TV, the reality of nature, men in pubs saying how much of a cunt that nature is, wishing that nature would walk in the pub right now, so they could fakkin glass the cunt. Natures fury has been becoming steadily more angry, and the death tolls rising, never in the history of human beings has a generation seen two natural disasters that have claimed more than a quarter of a million souls. There is more to come as the very planet we live on, heaves and boils like a dog about to shake some blood sucking ticks off. We may have gone to far this time. With about 25 cultures having predicted the end of the world in December of this year, you have to wonder, and give them some credence, the Mayans, gifted beings who seemed to have knowledge beyond their thong wearing face painting sacrificial ways, they had predicted many things in their time. Including the chlamydia of TV that is reality television, a tablet, many thousands of years old clearly instructed us to bludgeon the Simon's, Cowells and Fuller, we didn't, we lapped their shit up and now we are fucked, with the likes of female bell end, Jessie J and her clueless warbling ilk. Other cultures were less believable. They worshipped logs and shit, and eventually butt fucked themselves out of existence, but they still threw their lot in with the Mayans (who must have been really serious, as they have a magnum ice-cream named after them). Nature has a devastating array of shitter shattering weapons that she could bring to bare on the human race, she could use a typhoon and scoop up a huge swarm of African killer bees, combine it with another one that has just picked up a load of used heroin needles from AIDS victims, mix the two up in the sky and rain HIV positive killer bees down on a huge town. Similarly fucked up, she could unleash some sort of weird STD/Ebola hybrid where you literally cum yourself and watch your penis fizzle off like a disprin, or more fucked up, a refresher sweet in coca cola. Given this, and given the arse fisting we have given the planet for as long as we have (while wearing a falconers glove) any of the above would be more than fair. But no, nature has gone a step further, gone for the balls with long nails and twisted until we scream....SHES ONLY GONE AND FUCKED WITH THE UK SUMMER? For fuck sake, we sailed the world from our tiny island, colonised and cock smacked two thirds of the it, installing democracy on countries, whether they wanted or not, crushed cultures, and pretty much created America, Pakistan and Israel...ummm....we did other stuff too, erm, cricket, tennis?....We didn't ask for much in return, for all of that, all we want is just a nice couple of months of summer to enjoy Pimms on the lawn, and sandwiches, also on the lawn, and lawn tennis, to go out and mow the lawn, and do other such lawn stuff, just get amongst our many lawns and get drunk and fuck each other with no nerves. A couple of months so fuck faced spotty University debt riddled twat's can pay the price of a luxury holiday to stand in a muddier version of the Somme in some field and watch the latest clutch of crap bands before wandering full of cider, bad drugs and tobacco waking up in some cretins tent and getting dry fingered by some fat virgin, or getting a grubby sweaty un-showered cheesy blow job off some pasty looking white girl with dreadlocks in a borrowed tent. And for the adults, the sun takes us down to the supermarkets, to stock up on meat products mostly jet washed off the floors of abattoir and cremated on cheap BBQ's, the host of such a gathering drinking 24 bottles of stella, under-cooking 90% of the food and turning the rest into coal, before boiling over and calling his once lovely missus a fat useless fuck pig and getting into a wild swinging punch up with his best mate, every body leaves before he wakes up in his underpants in a pool of piss on a DFS sofa that's not been paid for yet, huffing and wheezing alone in the house and getting flashbacks of the night before, holding his forehead that's throbbing like a paedophiles cock at an Early Learning Centre. And for everyone, those few months allow us to gather in our parks and commons and drink warm beer and wine and chortle away, looking out for the smug cunt who comes over with an acoustic guitar and plays for his stupid inexperienced girl mates, who just need a proper quivering cock clobbering from a real bloke to realise that this whimsy long haired fuck firkin brings nothing to their life but his own ego pampering. If you are lucky enough, you will see the top trump of summer cunts, a man who has come over to practise juggling, or unicycling, or best of all, has come to practise throwing cocktail shaking jugs, not to mix cocktails, just to practise the throwing, what a turd. You all wish death on him. He is probably the same twat who prevented you from getting served for 40 minutes while he tried to impress the girls mixing up some alcoholic sugary vomit called a Cranberry Clitoris or something equally misogynistic. Its almost mid July and all we have had is rain, its really getting everybody down, even staunch Buddhists are punching people in he face, people are jumping off beachy head, the final indignity of a rained out beach visit. So, for me, here is my apology nature, I know we made extinct thousands of species of plant and animal, probably destroyed the natural cure for cancer, poisoned the seas, made the air toxic, and built the town Harlow and you are well pissed off and you are raining our summer off, we get it, can we say we are even? Please turn the rain off and let us do all of the above, its important to us, and please don't be a massive cunt and give us an Indian summer, nobody wants to see a scorching day from inside their office and the sun going down at 6. Please, I beg you, I'm sorry for all the cunts? (Please bear in mind we have nuclear weapons and could probably build our own sun, I'd happily sit through a nuclear war, those flashes of heat giving us a lovely bit of colour, then blowing our skin off our bones, but it would nice to go out warm). I promise we will treat the earth better, just give us a hot August. Cheers Richard