Bad rap edits

I've never been able to write song lyrics, I do try, but they sadly turn into fucking Pam Ayers or Richard Digence within a verse, I am passionate about things, but I just dont have the personality to sit and think someone wants to hear about me pouring my heart out about lost loves and such like. I'd much rather write something about a nan falling down the stairs.

Anyway, these are from a while back, and if you dont know the original song, then turn back, as will not make any sense...

This is to be 'rapped' to Ice Ice baby, and is about asthma.

Breathing device-vice baby (x2)
All right stop collaborate and listen
I cant even deal with my own ventilation
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Stops the flow of air, daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll go
To a&e and to a Doc to get a handle
My breathings all fucked its mother fucking scandal
I cant rush to the Docs waiting room
Its killing my lungs like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when my breathing gets ahead of me
Anything less than a breath is a felony
I could probably appease by losing some weight
But I love Captain Birdseye and that captain don't play
I've got breathing problems and yo I cant devolve it
Get a prayer book while the docs try and solve it

CHORUS
Breathing device vice baby (x4)

Now that my lungs are stunting
My medications not kicked in and the pumps are pumpin'
Quick to the floor and the floor no faking
How fucking long is this ambulance taking?
Burning lungs that ain't quick and nimble

I couldnt be arsed to finish it, this is to be rapped to MC Hammers, You cant touch this, and is about kidney failure?

I can-not piss
I can-not piss
I can-not piss
I can-not piss

My, my, my, my kidneys have failed so hard
Makes me say oh my gawd
Fuck you for cursing me
With a mind to wine and two kidneys,
that are fucked, and I'm always down
A super-yellow homeboy from the Old town
And I'm known
as such
And this is a beer uh I can't touch

I told you barman, I can-not piss
Yeah, that's how I'm livin' and ya know,
On dialysis
Look in my eyes man, I can-not piss
Yo let me bust the funky machine, dialysis!

Fresh new kicks and dry pants
I've got back ache so I cannot dance
I gotta, get out of my seat
And get to hospital all discreet
Machines rollin' so hold on
Pump a little bit and let them know it's going on
Like that, like that
Urinal inhibition and confined on my back
Let 'em know I dont come out much
And this is a beer uh I can't touch

Yo I told you, can-not piss
Why you standing there man, I can-not piss
Yo sound the bell dialysis time sucker
I can-not piss

And another MC Hammer, this is to be sung to, Have you seen her..

MC Hammered - I am a cleaner
ah yeah, I'm glad I picked this mop up,
I'm just gon' cruise down the hall,
look at the shit on the floor,
and drift off into the shitty smells that I have,
of a love that my heart has been searching for,
for so long, and I know somewhere,
If I keep searching, that I'll get a proper job,
the picture grows clearer and clearer,
from the back to the front of my mind,
and like love, a love I know I'll have,
the job that I want, It'll be mine, minimum wage, and it'll last,

I see lots of faeces everywhere I go
In the shitter in the street, so i'll let you know,
(I'm a cleaner?)
I'm a cleaner?,
(stop telling me im a cleaner?)
I've got a hoover and the make is a hen-ery,
There is shit everywhere but where could it be,
(I'm a cleaner?)
I'm a cleaner?,
(tell me have you seen her?)
I'm looking for that special love,
(Gloves, oh gloves, gloves are something that you need)
Gloves are something that the Hammer definitely needs,
(to make a shine)
to make it shine,
(I need your gloves to clean it)
I need your gloves to clean it,
so why don't you shine,
the scrubbing is going on,
from coast to coast,
a women for the man, who's mopping the most,
(I'm a cleaner?)
I'm a cleaner?,